Sexual Assault

 

SOMEONE YOU KNOW

The Most Important Words to Communicate to a Survivor:

         "I’m glad you’re alive."
         "It’s not your fault."
         "I’m sorry it happened."
         "You did the best you could."

 

After a rape, survivors may be openly upset and emotional, or they may be numb and seemingly calm. The victim needs to:

    

     ◘  Feel safe. Rape is a traumatic violation of a person. Especially in the

         beginning, it is often difficult for victims to be alone. 
     ◘  Be believed. With date rape especially, victims need to be believed that

         what occurred was, in fact, rape. 
     ◘  Know it was not their fault. Most rape victims feel guilty and feel that the

         attack was somehow their fault. 
     ◘  Take control of their life. When a person is raped, she may feel completely

         out of control of what is happening to her. A significant step on the road to

         recovery is to regain a sense of control in little as well as big things. 
 

Things you can do to help:

Listen; do not judge. It is not your place to play prosecutor and make the victim prove her story. Accept her version of the facts and be supportive. You may have to deal with your feeling separately if you feel that it was somehow her fault. FCC offers services for family and relatives of victims of sexual assault.

Be available. The victim may need to talk at odd hours or a great deal at the beginning. She may not have a lot of people she can talk to, and she may over rely on one person. Be there as much as you can and give her information about the crisis line, and individual and group counseling at FCC.

Let her know she is not to blame. This is crucial. Many rape victims blame themselves. The victim needs to be reassured that the rapist is to blame, not the victim.

Be patient and understanding. Everyone has her own timetable for recovering from a rape. Do not impose your own timetable on the victim.

Encourage action. For example, suggest that she call FCC, go to a hospital or other healthcare facility, and/or call the police. Respect her decision if she decides not to file charges.

Do not be overly protective. Encourage the victim to make her own decisions. She needs to feel in control of her life and this will not be possible if you do everything for her.

Accept her choice of solution to the rape, even if you disagree with what she is doing. It is more important that the victim make decisions and have them respected than it is for you to impose what you think is the "right" decision.

Put aside your feelings and deal with them somewhere else. Although it is supportive for a rape survivor to know that others are equally upset with what happened, it does the victim no good if, on top of her own feelings she has to deal with your feelings. If you have strong feelings, talk to another friend or call FCC.